It’s much easier, though painful, to fault myself for opening the door to my bedroom than to try to understand how someone can steal what they find inside after comfortably resting on my pillows. I lent comfort to them. I twisted my body so they could sleep in this bed too. It’s not my house; it’s just a preparation center for who needs it next, for however long, then their departure. Jet fuel from their eventual take-off lingers and morphs into smoky ghosts. I’m choking and coughing on the embers. Cinderella, but boys don’t like me and they are sadly mistaken when they briefly decide they love me, so the balls aren’t coming. 😛
I am so sorry if you think this is a show, and a poorly performed one at that. I thought I should hide and only tell the — my truth in the appropriate settings. But if I am alive and silent, why not be dead? What is real these days, anyway? Reminds me of when people say, “astrology is fake!” As if they’ll be giving me a wake-up call. Don’t they know everything in this world is based on belief? Everything is a social construct? That if one person wants to believe the world is flat, their world will be flat? If they want to believe God is a giant man with a beard of cloud who gives America the divine right to murder, that is who they will send their thoughts and prayers to? If they can’t help but believe their lover is their savior and their toxic relationship is the only home possible, they will accept radioactive kisses for the entirety of their lives? Belief is stronger than knowledge – that’s what I’m guessing these days. I do not know what’s real. My admission of not knowing anything for certain seems to enable others to trample on my thoughts with assertions of knowledge. I’m trying to see more and more how they are a little more stuck than me. I’m trying to spend more of the time with people who see my dot dot dot question mark’s as invitations to engage in the vulnerability of endless possibility. I know we all have to adopt beliefs as knowledge to keep moving. But I like it when someone slows down to wonder with me.
the and times 